Give Me Wings

If I have to leave,
God, give me wings,
with vultures at my feet
I’m surrounded by thieves

The cold still silence
the nightmares and dreams
The insides of hearts
what nobody sees

It’s been a hard life
with struggles and fears
Too many goodbyes
and too many tears
The ones I’ve loved
and the ones whom I’ve hurt
all I have to offer
are these humble words

I’m sorry for my actions
I’ve lived years in regret
I’ve buried all my pain
Dark secrets well kept

Beneath all the lies
sex, drugs, and poor decisions
I could be free as a bird
But still in my own prison

Will anyone understand
Will God give me wings
When they do read my words
Will they understand me

I’ve been on both sides
in peace and in hell
hung out with the rich
lived with killers in cells
Between prisons and love
beaches and cuffs
No matter what I ever did
It was never enough

My aunt said I could write
My mother said I was liked
after being jumped at adolescence
Just wasn’t the type to fight

SHE slipped through my hands
Others killed themselves and died
After all that regret
I couldn’t get it right

I was too ashamed to see her
I missed them so bad
I was immersed in poignant thoughts
of what I could’ve had

Moved on to different things
but nothing was the same
People came and went
faces seemed to change

My brother far away
3,000 miles L.A.
Mother always working
until her head and body ached

Lived in different cities
different places and states
I was running from myself
and I could not escape
I spent my life in cold cells
Fugitive motels
enslaved to addiction
My personal hell

Wasn’t till I seen
Death and o.d.’s
That I started to see truth
what’s important to me
Life is about love, family, and the people you meet
Enduring integrity
not material things

Maybe I don’t make sense
Maybe I don’t see
But if I do have to leave
God please,
Give me wings

2005

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